because i do not have a job and have not had a job for a long long time i have to be going regularly to this place called the job centre even though i have Social Anxiety. and it has been so many years now and i have applied for thousands and hundreds of jobs and i rarely even get an interview let alone get jobbed on.
the last time i had a job it was 2012 and i worked in the supermarket putting the products on the shelves and some times on the tills but i did not like that because i had trouble fitting in the seat. mostly i was stacking shelves and that was mostly fine as i kept on my HEADPHONES and listened to my MP4 PLAYER (it also had video) and minded my buisnessing.
and frequently the village children would come in to tease me about my father and his being missing and his name and the UNTRUTHFUL LIE that i ate him and mostly i would ignore. but one day i was in the canned goods aisle putting cans of beans on the top shelf and a mob of children came up to me and saying things like as “looking for another father to eat?” and “are those human beans?” and i got so angry that i took the can of beans i was holding and threw it at one of the children and it hit him on his head and he fell down and i think he was bleeding a bit but also the can broke so it was also some beansauce. and i lost the job and also had to go to court but i told the court it was an accident and i was dropping the beans on him and it was fine. it was almost a relief to be fired for that as i was worried i was going to fired for my crime MUCH WORSE. one of my jobs occasional every three weeks or so was to go to the cigarette kiosk and remove all the cigarettes that were out of dated and i was supposed to take them to the DUMPSTER and cut all the boxes and pour water on them to make them RANK AND UNSMOKABLE but after i was doing that i would take a few of the wet cigarettes out of the dumpster and drying them with my hair dryer and smoking them. and one time my hair dryer was broken and i used my hair straighteners but you cannot smoking FLATTED ONES i found out.
but then i figured out it would be easier to not put water on the cigarettes or put them in the dumpster at all and nobody would notice if i just took them and i was just taking lots and lots of slightly musty and outdated cigarettes and it saved me a lot of money. but when i told BEVERLY about this she made such a face and i figured this must be criminal and/or wrong.
the job centre says that a major hurdle between me and getting a job is, besides my HARD ADHERENCE TO GOTHIC CULTURE, my name. Schittharder it turns out has Schitt in it and that sounds like a bad word, so on my CV at the job centre they have told me my name is now Gurnen Johnharder. but this is harder than it sounds as it is hard to remember and my last name has always been Schittharder so it is easier to do that.
one time i had a rare job interview at TEETH AND GLANDS HEAVY-DUTY DOG GROOMERS and i bigged up mess time.
they asked for my first name and i said “Gurnen.”
then they asked for my surname and before I could remember not to the “Schitt” of Schittharder had escaped from my mouth. but that is a bad word and they were all aghast. i got so embarrassed and while i did not cry with noise tears were going down my cheeks and my face went all wide and sore and they kept asking me questions and i did not and could not speak or answer or reply and i did not get a job.