MY NAME IS GRAHAM CRUMB, AND CONTRARY TO RECENT POPULAR NARRATIVES, I AM NOT A DARK WIZARD NOR A  COWARDLY SHRAMP! I AM A PURE AND BEAUTIFUL HUMAN BEING MADE IN GOD’S IMAGE AND I AM  HUNGRY FOR REVENGE!!!

IT DOESN’T EVEN LOOK LIKE ME!

- A FULL AND TOTAL RETRACTION AND UNPUBLISHING OF MY NEMESIS DILLON THE CAT’S “SCREAMPLAY” THE ROBOT OF JUSTICE, WHICH SLANDERS MY PERSON AND INSULTS THE GOOD TASTE OF BRITISH CITIZENS!

- A FULL ASSURANCE FROM ALL LEADING STUDIOS THAT THE ROBOT OF JUSTICE WILL NOT BE ADAPTED INTO A MAJOR MOTION PICTURE STARRING “RODGER DOWDY MISTER?????”

- THE FULL COOPERATION FROM BOTH THE KING OF ENGLAND AND GOD HIMSELF TO ESTABLISH A LAW BANNING CATS FROM WRITING SCREENPLAYS! GOD INTENDED ARTISTIC SENTIMENT FOR ONLY MANKIND, AND THEN  ALSO MAYBE THOSE ELEPHANTS WHO CAN PAINT???