Local Character To Perform One-Man Play on Christmas Eve

by Clifford Head

Move over, London’s West End! The glamour of the theatre is coming to Gribley! After the news came last month that Gribley Primary School would no longer be performing its traditional nativity play in favour of a secular production of The Nutcracker, one local character has taken it upon himself to launch a production of his own.

“We’ve got to put God back in Gribley!” says Graham Crumb (75). “I suspect that a distinct lack of godliness is the cause of many of our town’s woes, from rotty legs to rampaging cows to my own predicament with a certain cat, and I am determined to make God happy with us again with my own incredible one-man nativity.”

The play, which will be performed at 7pm on Christmas Eve in St Mary’s church, is truly a one-man affair. “Couldn’t be dealing with other actors and their egos,” says Crumb. “Got a bunch of mops and paper plates from Gribley Discount Warehouse to make the characters, and of course a sponge for the baby Jesus, and I move them around and do all the voices myself. You can get a lot of expression out of a paper plate because you can draw a different face on each side.”

Admission to the play is £3, or free with “proof of heartfelt prayer.”

Comments

BUCKSFIZZFAN1981

IF GRAHAM IS GOING TO PLAY ALL OF THE CHARACTERS BY MOVING THE MOPS AROUND THEN WHAT WILL HE DO WHEN MORE THAN TWO CHARACTERS NEED TO APPEAR ON STAGE AT ONCE?

GrahamCrumb3

I’ll have you know that I have situated buckets of grit in several convenient locations on the stage, and when many characters need to appear at once I stand the mops up in the grit. I have thought of everything.

BUCKSFIZZFAN1981

AND JESUS IS A SPONGE?

GrahamCrumb3

Yes. He is the sponge who came to earth to wipe away our sins.

BevWilkins1987

Don’t do this, Graham.

GrahamCrumb3

Well I have already Bought The Mops so it is toolate now.