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Okay, so I am being supject to CORUPTION OF THE MOST DEVIOUS KIND!!! Mother is BRIBING ME WITH BOYSLOP AND CATNIP TO BE HER DANNED FRIENDSHIP!!!

Don’t me wrong, I am friends with mother. It’s just… She’s… A lots. She always try to kiss my fourhead and pet my fur and rub my tumby. Sometime I like that, like on a cold and loney night where I feel bad about myself. Even dark and evil ppl like me need to purr and make biscuits every now and again. But a lot of the time I don’t like it and it feel yucky. Like, when I am dreaming up a winning screamplay and then she suddenly kiss my fourhead and literally suck the ideas strait out of mine brane. That’s just all times of rude.

The problem started because I DO NOT LIKE THE NEW BED! Not only does it lack my beloved executive crevice (I know that it was giving her “back issues,” but why she never think what I feel about it, huh???), but it also Creaks Meanly at random times during the night. This sends a creep down my spine, and I am scare to sit on it. I prefer to sleep on my special pillow on the warm roof of house of Mara the snake (Loki told me it was spelled snake, and not snage like I thoat. Whopsie.).

But now, I am bribe to sit on bed with mother. If I do not sit on bed with mother, and endure the creaks and pets, I do not get creamy boyslop (some sort of tube food?) or catnip. Which is not fair, right? It’s not crazy for me to get boyslop free gratis from mother just for being mine own self, and that’s what I want!!!

I sit and make my BISCUITS of Lies, and endure HEADPATS all to get mine beloved boyslop, but it tastes somewhat bitter to me now… I am just a humble slopfiend enthralled by sloptaste, and I have given up all my precious scruples for it…