Well… This is kinda strange. I’ve never actually written to a cat before. That’s if you are actually a cat, and not some random human messing around on the internet.

So, um… Hey Dillon! My name is Beverly, as I think you already know, and my godfather Graham is your… Nemesis? And I’m on your side on a whole bunch of things, because I know full well it was him who sent you that first rude email out of the blue when he really should’ve left you alone. But this whole back and forth has gone way too far now, especially with you making fraudulent accounts on the local news website I manage. And you writing him into your screenplays as a villain. I understand you’ve just released another one, as “haunted underpants” are the only thing Graham has been able to talk about for a fortnight.

The reason I’m writing to you is that… Well… Wouldn’t it be really cool if you could be the bigger person and drop this whole thing? It really would be cool, like a cool strong lion who doesn’t let annoying little mice bother him. Wouldn’t you like to be cool like that?

Please just be nice to Graham, as I don’t know how much longer I can put up with is mad rantings. You think it’s bad enough just talking to him online? Well I’m at his house helping him with chores three times a week! I would like so much for my peace and quiet back.

Kind regards,

PS: Your exquisite aesthetic sensibilities are K – E – W – L cool!

PPS: Please delete your account GrahamCrumb1 from the Gribley Gazette! Graham is real upset about it!