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Okay, so this is such a horrible thing but I SWEAR IT TRUE!!! This afternoon I was sat in the house where mother come home. She comes up to greet me, and I graciouslly accept her pet from LARGE, HAMMY, AND EXCEEDINGLY STINKY HANDS. ESPECIALLY, MAJORLY STINKY!!! LIKE STRANGE CATS!!!

MOTHER. IS. CHEATING. ON ME!!! With other cats… I AM CHEESED TO THE MOON AND THE STARS AND TO ALL THE OTHER PLANETS!!! THIS IS THE MOST CHEESE I EVER FELT SINCE GRAHAM CRUMB BROKE INTO MY LIFE!!! I am gnashing my teeth and wailing and planning all the best places to PEE STEAMING HOT AND INCONVENIENTLY!!!

So, apparently mother goes to this place called “zoo.” She goes to this place to vol-um-tear work FOR NO MONEY (mother is lame!!!) to do chores for all the animals that live there. I don’t understand, doesn’t she do enough animal chores at home? Are my messes NOT ENOUGH FOR HER?!? DO I NEED TO MAKE MORE MESS FOR HER ATTENTION?!?

Usually she hang out with the sorts of animals I donot care. Like “wrino” (some sort of large grey couch with a spike at one end?), and “parrit” (an UPPITY CHICKEN THAT TALK TO HUMAN AND HANG OUT WITH PIRATE???!?!?!? CRINGE!). But today… She give her attensions for other cats. Namely type of cat “lyin” and “cheater.” WHICH IS VERY APT, BECAUSE SHE HAS BEEN A LYIN CHEATER TO ME!!! AND SHE DARE COME HOME STINKING OF THEM!!!

I SEARCH THESE MEN UP ON THE CONPUTER, AND… THESE TYPE OF GUY ARE SO HECKING BIG AND MUSCULAR??? LIKE, IT’S NOT EVEN FARE THAT THEY THAT BIG OF GUYS???!!!! WHY WAS I BORN SMALL CAT INSTEAD OF MUSCRULAR CHAD CAT?!?!?!? WOULD THAT MAKE MOTHER LOVE ME MORE???? IS THAT WHAT MOTHER WANTS??!!?!?!

I am boycotting mother until she washes that ghastly stink off. But the stink she left in my heart will NEVER BE CLEAN AGAIN!!! She is worse than devil to me.